Kimberly Ann

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 06:26:53 GMT

i miss reading everyones livejournals... i mean i absolutly love myspace don't ge tme wrong i am as addicted as the next person... but.... i miss hearing what everyone does everyday. so people start posting again

HOW

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 10:27:58 GMT

How do you have nights like this and then things still don't work out the way they should? How can you stare into someones eyes for hours and talk about your entire life, and it just ends like that, like hours of conversation meant nothing. How can a simple caress of the leg make you warm inside? How can someone be soo perfect yet so wrong? How can you be so much like someone but still not have the answers? How can you rest your head in someones lap and not have there be more? How come you can spend endless hours with people who don't even know you and have a time limit with me? How do you not know why you are so hurt? How come you feel that even i will hurt you? How does everyone around us see the "us" but you can't bare the thought in your mind? How can you not tell how much i care? How can you have a night with me like this one and still leave me?

who do you think you are?

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 17:50:08 GMT

For almost 1 year i have been thinking of only you... well to say only you it would be a small exaggeration... but mostly you would make more sense. For the past five years YOU were my bestest friend... and i have known you for five years on top of that. There are no contradictions in anyones minds that you know me... you know what makes me mad, what makes me laugh, and especially what hurts me to the point of tears. I would rather someone be honest with me and feel the pain immediately then for somone to be dishonest with me, no matter how much it hurts. The idea of anyone sleeping there would drive me crazy and get me upset, especially so close to the end; but the idea that my best friend is the one sleeping there, hurts more than words could explain. I wish i could get over things quickly, but this time i can't. i am not going to drop this one... cause looking at it from every angle it was WRONG. The fact that you don't understand it was wrong makes it that much worse... The sorry was a help towards the right/ the better... but time is the only thing that will heal this wound. I thought after going to sleep i would feel better... i would wake up and feel relieved but the pain only worsened. I know it will go away but i wonder how long it will take. It is an unbearable pain... no other thoughts can occupy my mind. I want to hate you right now... i can't, but i want too. I hope that somehow you will end up seeing how hurt i am, and how wrong what you did was, but until then all i can ask is that somehow i can believe you again, trust you again, and even somehow feel that you love me again. Since at this moment i feel as though you care about no one other than yourself.

why why why

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:31:02 GMT

why do things go well and then go sooo bad.... why is someone your best friend one day and then the next you don't even hear from them. ... why do people choose you second when you use to be the one chosen first? why are you never good enough... why did she turn out perfect and i didn't? just why.......

dad

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 06:40:43 GMT

My daddy's here visiting me and he's actually being way nice!

so much for my happy ending.....

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 01:45:59 GMT

Was it something i did? Was it something you said? I really thought this one would work out.

By wednesday i can't sleep.........

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 00:25:26 GMT

I haven't updated in awhile... I had this absolutely unbelieveable night with you... 415 in the morning just talking... I don't understand what it is about you that i just want to know EVERYTHING about you. When you speak i'm intrigued by the words you have to say. Shawns the only one before that i could say that about. Your family, your life, your interests, your hobbies... everysingle topic i wanted to hear every detail of... and a lot of the time it seemed as though you wanted to hear all about mine too. It was so comfortable just talking and the way you could open up to me surprised me. You have always seemed so shy, so i question to myself if you opened up cause it was me... or have i just perceived the person you are to be different... either way it made me happy. Then saturday night came... and to put it lightly, you treated me in a way that i no longer felt special. It's strange how your actions towards me can change so quickly. however you did say you were extremely tired... i have to keep telling myself that because i just get upset when i don't.

My baby <3

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 06:40:27 GMT

I am soooo excited that you called me. It was almost more exciting than rob calling me. I don't understand what it is about you. I would like to say i like rob more than you... but i just don't. well, actually i don't know. you are both such different people. It just made me unbelieveably happy! now i just need to call you back tomorrow or something

monopoly

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 08:07:47 GMT

Good Times! it made me really happy to play monopoly tonight.... and for the first time in a long time i didn't let certain people occupy my mind. i felt like i could actually completely be myself. it made me feel really good! thanks guys!

We can't forget about rematches!

blah

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 07:23:18 GMT

he told me to call! why can't he just call me.... i just talked to my shawn and he's the best...

L <3 V E

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 05:47:39 GMT

I just got home from seeing the notebook, and it was pretty amazing. It does make you contemplate life and love though in new ways. I know that in my heart i have loved before, and all i can do is hope that i will be able to love again. When people come in my path, i will often times place walls around myself, cause the pain of lost love is worse than the pain of seeking for love. I know that these feelings aren't love, but part of me wishes they could be love. It's this complicated knot deep in my stomach that has occupied my mind for the last few days. I want the story book... but the other night was a bit of a disappointment. It's almost as if there are two people i know... and it's the one at work that i fell in like with, the other one was different... the mystery was gone. It was almost the epitome of what i am so not attracted to. But; then he looks at me, and I feel something. It sounds so silly... but it truely is the way he looks at me that makes me think about him until i see him again. When i speak to him, he blocks out everyone else around him... it feels like where in our own world while he hangs on everyword i have to say. I hate it though... i hate when he talks to me about himself and all i want to do is hear more. I want to hear about everyday of his life... I hate that this whole situation is taking so long I guess patience truely is a virtue and i waited this long for the phone call and i guess i can just sit and wait for the next step to take place.... but it will drive me crazy.......

OMG

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 11:21:52 GMT

I don't know... i'm sooo happy but at the same time i'm not as happy as i thought i would be when this day finally came....

live doppler 7

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 23:20:48 GMT

I want to go to the beach and get tan, but no, stupid stupid june gloom. I want to go to the gym but this is busy time there so i'm going to wait until 9. Hopefully it's not as crowded then. I dont' like when you have to wait for machines. I want klare to go with me cause i wanna go in the sauna. K i'm done bye

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 10:27:50 GMT

oh and i forgot....................... i miss my russell a lot :(

woah woah woah miss libby!!!!!!!!!

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 10:25:30 GMT

So, i'm about to go to sleep i just had a few things i needed to say....

i love my katey sooooooo much and i miss her even more than i love her

my hair is tooooo god damn blonde., but robert noticed my hair and even told me it looked good that made my night, except i was a dumb girl and couldn't just say thanks... instead i had to harp on how much i hated it.

i actually went out tonight for the first time in 2938743 years.... after crying for two days cause my best firend isn't my best friend.

oh and finally just the top of my legs are burnt and they are soooo burnt you can feel the heat through my jeans not tight!

WOAH!

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 07:02:04 GMT

So, lately i've been hanging out with my jacquie! Kate slept here one night and we saw the cutest movie ever... Raising Helen.. i lubbed it. Ronald Reagan died and there's tooo much traffic everywhere. i have a job , it's okay. today i saw tob in a wife beater and shorts... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH way funny sight. that's about it

let's go lakers!

Sat, 22 May 2004 01:26:35 GMT

i'm watching the Laker game while tiff's in the bathrub. soooooooooooooooo bored.... k i'm going to go get dressed bye

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING

Thu, 13 May 2004 01:50:48 GMT

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Myspace

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 08:14:44 GMT

MYSPACE... the new live journal.... try it! love it! then Live it cause you too will become obcessed just like us!

rachel

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 22:46:24 GMT

I want rachel to update my journal to explain last night cause she has the story down pat!!

Spring Break is over!

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 18:09:37 GMT

Spring break ended but i still haven't stopped.

Today i'm going with klare to get her tattoo. I want to add to mine but i don't have any money.

Owwww My Tumick hurts

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 08:12:45 GMT

I'm just sitting at kristen's right now.... not drunk cause last night i drank entirely too much! I puked in a cup on the way to the airport!

TIFFANY ANN IS CORRECT

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 07:31:20 GMT

Ok. I decided Tiffany Ann is correct, haha, I am crazy! I think I actually like him! I do not think it's just cause he's around and the other ones not.

Today we went to Universal Studios. It was fun other than that fact that Tiffany was a complete fuckin bitch... haha she was tired though so it's acceptable and forgiven. i love her and we all have those days.

my head hurts sooo much

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 22:46:08 GMT

Hey i'm a super de dooper match maker!!! i know we are all soooo proud of me.

I got to have my kids the entire weekend! I was soooo much fun! I miss them and love them all sooo much. I actually convinced russell that sofia was mine.

I finally know why he hasn't called ... cause of TIFF !!!!! but it isn't actually her fault or anyones fault. Atleast i finally know why.

Thurs: Fridays Fri: my kids and russell and tye and alex and amber and others Sat: my kids and pantrick and stephanie and mike and jason and randoms... Sun: owe my head hurts and i'm going to kyles birthday party

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLE!!!!!

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 08:28:11 GMT

I got a new car today!!!! It's not as pretty as my old car, but that's okay... i still love it.

I just got sooo frustrated though. I do not like when people talk about me when they don't even talk to me. Ridiculous!!!